"This evening’s fight has two unexpected twists. Firstly, the piece of filth already in the ring is a man named Bruno. He ruled his wife, Rosanna, brutally. He is a religious fundamentalist, and he forced her to dress from head to toe in dull colours, grey, black and brown, in shapeless clothes. Alcohol was forbidden. If all that wasn’t bad enough, he used to beat her, too. Well tonight, the ex-wife will take on her ex-husband! The second twist to the story is that he doesn’t yet know. Here to tell you all about it is my good friend, Maria Stambulov."

"Hi Sasha, and good evening, everyone. Yes, the social services handed Rosanna to me because she was so nervous after what Bruno had made her endure. Little by little I managed to get her confidence back. I got her to try on one of our leotards which was her size, and she was really pleased how she looked in it. As we all know, Klansbourg women are the most beautiful in the world –"

"Without a doubt. Everyone knows we are."

"– and I told her it could be hers if she was willing to meet a few challenges. I asked her, ‘How would you like to beat up your ex-husband, the way he used to beat you up?’ and I can still see the slow smile spreading across her face as she thought about it. So I started training her. I got art students to paint Bruno’s face on a punching bag, from a picture that I had of him, and she went at it with a will! I suggested she shout ‘Arsehole!’ as she hit it, and that enhanced her powers. She added other words, which I’d better not mention.

"At length, after some months’ training, I put her up against a petty Saturday night hooligan, and I had to intervene to prevent her hurting him anymore. That’s when I judged she was ready to face Bruno, and here we are!"

"Well thank you for that fascinating introduction. I think the sound system is connected to Rosanna’s dressing room, so I’ll just flick this switch … Hi, babe, can you hear me?"

"Hiya sugar plum, loud and clear!"

"Are you decent?"

"Hardly, in this leotard!"

"Ah yes, our famous – or infamous – fighting leotards. Hazy and slightly transparent, they never fail to disconcert any male facing us. Are you ready?"

"Ready and eager to get started."

"That’s the spirit! How do you intend to fight Bruno?"

"Freestyle, with plenty of fist work, because that’s how he used to beat me, but I do plan to get him in the balls, too."

"Ah yes, never forget the balls! It’s a bit like foreplay, really."

"Not in our marriage."

"Why’s that?"

"I only had to touch his cock or balls and it would make him cum."

"Viewers and listeners, if you’re wondering what that strange noise is, it’s Maria choking on her coffee."

"I’m sorry. It was just rather unexpected."

"Okay. So are you ready to go to the ring, Rosanna?"

"Absolutely!"

"Okay, on you go. Now then, all eyes on Bruno for his reaction when he sees who it’s going to be. One thing you’ll notice is that he has an erection. Rosanna said that violence excited him sexually, the horrible bastard. She’s walking through the castle ruins now, where the Queen of Klansbourg beat up her husband, the King, in front of her ladies and servants in about 460 AD, which began this tradition. Just listen to the cheers and wolf whistles! Bruno’s peering over the ropes and squinting. Now he’s recognised her! Oh, this is vintage stuff! He’s calling to God and beating his chest. Here, let’s turn the mic on to the ring.

"Hi Bruno, how does it feel, realising your ex-wife is about to beat you up?"

"She is my WIFE! I do not recognise the divorce, and neither does God."

"Whatever, she’s still going to beat you up. Hang on Bruno, my friend Maria wants to speak to you."

"Hi Bruno, sweetie, is it true that Rosanna only had to touch your cock and balls and it would make you cum?"

"What did you have to say that for? He’s running around the ring, roaring and howling. Now he’s head butting the corner post. Hey, stop it Bruno, there’ll be nothing left for Rosanna to do! Security – all women, by the way – have forced him into his corner, and our lovely Rosanna has resumed her progress to the ring. Security have left it, and it’s suddenly gone quiet. There she goes, vaulting over the ropes. She can’t wait to get her revenge! She’s yelling threats at him."

"That’s better, she’s calmed down a bit and they’re squaring up. Isn’t it quiet! Usually there’s shouting and jeering; but everyone’s aware that we’re looking on at a very private quarrel, almost as if we shouldn’t be here."

"Bruno strikes – at nothing."

"Good girl. Keep your concentration, and let him get frustrated."

"She’s clipped him on the temple. It’s more of an insult than a punch, showing him how easy it is. That’s right, work on his temper. Infuriate him."

"Huge lunge from Bruno! Pity his intended target is crouching underneath."

"Uppercut – good one, from Rosanna. That’s surprised him!"

"It’s hurt him, too. Look at his face. Until this moment, he was always the one to dole out the pain on her. Now she’s giving it back to him, and he doesn’t like it one jot!"

"Left cross from Rosanna fairly crunches into his face! Her pretty blonde hair waving in the breeze, her spangly leotard sparkling under the sun, this beautiful young woman is fighting her ex-husband like an experienced champion. You’re taught her very well, Maria."

"Thank you my dear, although she’s a natural, and took to it really well … Oh, look at that! Crouching slightly, she’s got Bruno on the jaw with a lovely rising right cross. Look at his head recoil!"

"And there it is! A kick in the balls! On this occasion it was preceded by her seizing his right hand and locking or bending his fingers. You heard him cry out with the pain from that, but now he’s howling!"

"I suppose it hurts more for a man to be kicked in the balls when he has an erection, Sasha?"

"I suppose it must. You know, I must have done that to about a hundred men, and I’ve never thought to ask. Next time perhaps, if I remember."

"Bruno goes for a ride! Our little sparkler has lain underneath him, and sent him up and over, using her feet. Classic judo! Look at him crashing to the mat in a heap! Now she’s on her feet and setting about him with her fists. He stands no chance on his back."

"There seems to be no end to the onslaught. She’s got him to sit, she’s hooked her legs over his shoulders, and she’s STILL hurling punches at him! Now she’s threatening him with just one more. To be honest, I can’t see the point of that."

"Nor me. It would be better to concentrate on the action, rather than the theatrics … there you go, he’s stuck his leg out and tripped her up. That’ll sober her up."

"Assuming she gets the chance. Bruno has seized the initiative, and now he’s the one doing the menacing, and enjoying the theatrics. You can see how he used to terrorise her when they were married, roaring threats at her while he towers over her."

"But a swift kick to the jaw puts paid to that. Well done, Rosanna, you had me worried for a moment, there. Look at them glaring at each other as they get to their feet!"

"I know. This fight is different from all the others. Previously the woman fighter has just been doing her job; this time it’s intensely personal."

"Bruno strikes at nothing again, and Rosanna replies – beautifully – with a solid right on his jaw. That’s going to hurt - it’s the jaw that she’s just kicked. Now she’s in at him with her left. It’s a good, crisp, stinging cross to the mouth. He’s going to feel as if he’s been stung by a hornet."

"In a way, he has. She’s got him on the mouth again with a right cross."

"Doesn’t she look sexy when she fights! Is that natural, the way she wiggles her bum with each blow, or did you teach her that?"

"Both. It’s natural, but I encouraged her to increase the sway of it. It drives the lads watching wild!"

"Oh, this is vintage pugilism! She’s got Bruno with a huge, swinging left to the temple. It’s got him all dizzy! It’s also given her time to prepare her next one, another full-on right to the jaw. One on the chin has him staggering, and – ah yes – it’s time for another kick in the balls."

"Listen to him wail! He’s staggering all over the place, clutching his balls. Somehow, Rosanna manages to keep up with him, and never misses the opportunity for a punch to the ear or jaw."

"He’s collapsing, helped on the way by a kick to the face. I don’t think he’ll be able to think for himself after that, let alone defend himself for a while. Yep, Bruno’s on his back."

"Rosanna’s playing the dominatrix now, kneeling on his face and once again threatening him with her fist. But Bruno’s sustained a lot more blows since the previous time. Plus, he’s not going anywhere with her knee and shin pinning him to the mat."

"Oh yes! It’s time for a bit of self-indulgence. She’s kneeling astride his face and sitting on his mouth. He’ll hate that, believing in male dominance over the female. Yes, she’s earned her little pleasure, except …"

"Exactly. She’s forgotten to secure his arms. The longer she enjoys her little treat, the more time he has to recover. There you go. He’s taken her by surprise while she was distracted by her pleasure. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your pleasure, but make sure you’re safe to."

"Bruno’s certainly turned the tables. He tumbled her off him, and now he’s picked her up. I think he’s going to throw her – I can hardly bear to look!"

"It might be okay, Sasha. She’s landed well, facing him and on her feet, although the ropes at her back helped. Bruno’s going to charge at her – it’s enough to make you bite your nails! There he goes …"

"She’s got him, she’s got him! Defensive push-kick to the cock and stomach."

"My God, Rosanna, don’t give me the heebie jeebies a third time, I don’t think my heart could stand it!"

"Bruno stumbles back to the middle, and Rosanna goes after him. Oh, that’s a beefy right hook, straight in the eye! You can see it going black!"

"Lovely punch. Go on girl, you get ’im!"

"Bruno sweeps with his left at nothing; Rosanna’s left hammers into his chest. That’ll burn. You could hear the thud as it landed."

"She’s got him in the same eye, with a dead-straight cross."

"That’s they style, create a weakness, then exploit it. Can you sense the pace quickening, Maria?"

"Absolutely. She’s looking to victory, now. Oh, straight on the nose! That’ll make Bruno’s eyes water, if not actually break his nose."

"Bruno’s mouth is gaping wide open at the pain the shapely lady’s little fists are inflicting. I love to see a woman defeat a man, whatever the occasion; but this time she’s giving back to him the beating he used to dole out to her. As they say, revenge is sweet. Oh, just look at that! A perfect combination of her right knee into his balls, and a left uppercut cracking him under the chin. Well taught, Maria!"

"Thank you, Sasha. She practiced that on twenty unfortunate inmates of the prison before we were satisfied with it. They were lined up as in an identity parade, each one of them clutching his balls and howling by the time she’d perfected it! There you are, it’s brought him down on his back again."

"For the last time, I think. She’s sitting on his stomach, now, looking to finish him off. In she goes, with a left across his face. Bruno’s arched his back in an odd reaction. Now comes the right, in a similar stroke. In with the left again. Surely, he can’t take much more? She’s spinning his head from side to side, like some sort of grotesque toy."

"She’s after absolute dominance, and who can blame her, after what he used to do to her?"

"Oh, absolutely. Hello, she’s sitting on his cock now, her tight, round arse vibrating against it with each punch. You don’t think she’s trying to …?"

"Definitely. She’s got him in the same eye yet again, and he’s openly crying. The punch made her arse rock on his cock, he’s roaring ‘No!’ through his tears, and calling to God. But it’s no good, and she’s made him cum, copiously!"

"She certainly has – he’s shot himself all over the face with it! She’s defeated Bruno in more ways than one, and totally humiliated him. Victory. Isn’t it the best feeling?"

"There’s nothing like it. That’s right, Rosanna, pose away, you deserve it."

"Hello, now what’s she doing? She’s picked Bruno up, and put him over her shoulder, fireman-style. One of the security ladies has handed her a glass of what looks to be champagne –"

"We’ve just been sent a bottle of it."

"– She’s having a well-earned drink now. That’s a nice touch, when you think Bruno is dead against alcohol. He’s going to be shown the video of this fight, every day for the remainder of his prison sentence, and I bet this will be the moment he detests the most. Now she’s left the ring, still carrying him over her shoulder, and sipping champagne. She’ll dump him back at the prison, it’s only next door."

"There’s no doubt about it, Sasha, Klansbourg women don’t just win their fights, they win them in style."